gathering peeps...

renewed and refreshed!

i was given an amazing gift - from my rock-star hubby and my awesome abba father.

i just got home from a created for care retreat at lake lanier, georgia!

it was such a blessing to my soul to have time away to get my heart back on track with the savior so that i can BEST parent these kids from hard places.  

i met some new friends and got to spend time with some old ones ;-)

i didn't get pictures, but if you click on the links, you can see the beautiful surroundings i had during my time away.

so blessed...

not feeling very bloggy

i type.

i delete.

i type.

i delete.

it's a cycle.

honesty.  i am a fan.

protecting my family.  i am a bigger fan.

how do i blog honestly and protect my family when things are hard?

i can't figure that one out.

so.

i don't blog.

it's sad for me.

i like fun posts with pictures and fun anecdotes of being the mom to six kids.

but, i feel like i am in a season when i need to be mostly bloggy silent.

maybe some pictures and captions...

like this one:

our sweet miao was married on saturday.  chris and i felt like we married off a daughter.  it was a very joy filled day and we are honored to have been part of it.

christmas morning

 

a quick thought

we have a VERY busy and full day today!  we will leave in a little over an hour to have lunch with our travel buddies from our very first trip to china!  we can't wait to see mia and jaelyn and their families!!!

i'm up early, like i am most every moring...  i gotta.  if i don't, i won't get any time in the quiet.  i won't get a chance to spend time with jesus...

this morning i am overwhelmed by thoughts of just how blessed i am.

some days, my thought are more consumed by the task of raising these children.  teenagers.  special needs.  former orphan stuff that just breaks my heart...

but, today?  today i just cannot believe that i get to do this!  i get to be the one they call "mommy" (or "mom").  i get to be the kisser of the owies.  i get to be the one to rub lotion on his feet.  i get to be the one to watch her learn to read.  i get to be the one to take her shopping for dress for banquet.  i get to fill in the dates to his basketball games on my calendar.  i get to watch her tender heart continue to grow for her people.  i get to be the one to fight for her heart.  i get to be the one who goes to bed most nights - exhausted - because i get to be the one to care for them...

no pictures today.

just lots of tears of gratitude

and 

thanksgiving that overflows from a thank filled heart...

five.

that is the number of school programs i attended in the past month and a half.

seriously.

five.

first was aubrie's.  not a christmas program.  it was at the end of her trimester of music.

and, obviously, her location on the risers was NOT revealed to us beforehand:

next, was ashleigh's high school christmas program.  i didn't have the camera, but it was a great concert.

then, was the little girl's concert.

anna's kindergarten class recited luke 2 from memory.  anna looked SO grown up

- and VERY chinese ;-)

then amy had a special song she got to play a bell for!

the program theme was the 12 days of christmas.

i had a "swan a swimming"

and a "maid a milking"

the next week, austin had his band and choir concert.  forgot the camera there, too.  boo.  he did GREAT though and even had a pretty special part on the chimes for one song!

we ended our concert-palooza with abe's little preschool concert.  i loved it.  and i was SO PROUD of him!

he was a cow.

moo.

and, now we're done.

whew!

 

seriously.

this time of year is super hard.

for my four youngest kids.

and because it's hard for them, it's hard for chris, the two oldest and for me...

why?

this article explains it... PERFECTLY. 

fifteen

i blinked.

it happened.

she's 15.

she's amazing.

and i can't believe i get to be her mom...

she didn't want a cake this year - just chinese popsicles.  we insisted on a piece of cake - because how are you gonna put 15 candles in a popsicle?!

she's wise beyond her years and i have so much to learn from her...

happy 15th birthday, ashleigh ciera!

 

 

yeah, i know...

i am so behind.

blogging.  life.

ashleigh turned 15 on wednesday and i have pictures :-)

thursday was literally spent holding abe.

all day.

i will never be able to figure out all the reasons why the holidays are SO HARD for my adopted kids.

but, they are.

lots of happy feelings for most of the world; feelings of family and togetherness just create a sense of insecurity for my children who were abandoned - even if they can never put words to it themselves, they know...  and i have one that i am SURE carries a sense of guilt for having a family when her friends will never know that...

merry christmas!

;-)

it's a good thing that christmas is not really about family and happy memories and lots of presents under a tree.

it's a good thing that it is the celebration of our savior putting on flesh and coming to live with us...

because, then it really is about our brokenness...

and how he came to make us whole.

i don't think i really got christmas until last year.

there is something about parenting broken and hurting children that stirs a longing in my heart...

a longing for emmanuel to step into this mess, yet again,

and

fix it all.

rejoice!  rejoice!  emmanuel!

 

i am thankful that we don't have to be perfect...

 

(zao photography)

i am thankful that i don't have to clean up my mess before i come to god.

it's only grace.

it's god's grace and unconditional acceptance of me that has allowed me to be adopted into his forever family.

i am a joint heir with jesus.

do you fully grasp what that means?

some days i get that.

and other days, when i neglect to show that same grace to others, it's obvious that i do not fully grasp what that means.

half dozen

fabulous shots of my half dozen!!!

(zao photography)

cute kids, eh???