seek and find

what does it really mean to seek christ?

i mean - i have prayed that prayer for years and am pretty confident that i didn't know what i was looking for.

was it the baby jesus in the manger???

or maybe it was the jesus turning over the tables of the money changers in the temple???

it might have even been "sunday school" jesus???

 

i am pretty confident it wasn't "the passion" jesus...

i truly want to know jesus.

but - is this the jesus i want to know?

2 corinthians 4:10-12 says "we always carry around in our body the death of jesus, so that the life of jesus may also be revealed in our body.  for we who are alive are always being given over to death for jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed  in our mortal body.  so then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

jesus answered me today.  very clearly. 

*this* is me.  you have searched for me and you have found me.

you want to know me.

here i am.

if i am honest, i am not sure i would have sought so hard to really know him if i knew this was what he would allow.  i cried out to him in repsonse today "but this is hard..."

yes.  it was.  to die to his desires and place himself into the hands of the father...

so *this* is a glimpse of what it means to be cruxified with christ?

i'm really only beginning to process what i know god made so clear to me today.

i am pretty sure i wasn't prepared for this jesus.

maybe i should have been...  it is written throughout the word...  how did it take me so long to see this?
 
 
 

Comments

[Veda]

I was really struck this morning by today's My Utmost for His Highest. "When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me . . . He can crush me . . . or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness." To let go and be willing to be crushed for Him, if that is His choosing, not looking at what He does to, with, through others. A hard, hard thing. It's not empty platitudes, but a huge surrendering of self. We have Christ's ultimate surrender of His will to the Father's as our example. But to actually follow through. I'll fail a thousand times, I know. There's a part of me that wants to whine "but it's too hard." I don't want to surrender that completely. I have my own agenda. And yet I know it's the only true freedom. Even if it doesn't seem fair, can I trust so completely in Him and His goodness? I'm pretty sure I wasn't prepared for this surrendering today. But I'll try again, grateful for the mercy that allows me to stumble, but continually gives me grace.

[Gail]

Wow. Great thoughts.